that's what i used to call you. remember? u were such a scrawny little guy with a toe head too big for your body until you were about 14, lol.
remember when you wanted to dye your hair? we ended up turning your head aaaand your eyebrows orange and you were screaming that it burned so badly that your eyelashes were gonna fall off. the only time we laughed harder was the time we put Nair on ONE side of your chest. ..or maybe we laughed harder the time we went through the Dunkin' Donuts drive thru and you ordered "milky" in your demonic voice. i was laughing so hard i couldn't see..or talk and the girl at the window and EVERYONE inside DD was looking at us like we were insane.
we laughed a lot. which in hindsight, i think is pretty damn awesome considering the shit we dealt with at home. i remember so many things about growing up with you. i remember when i realized that i would stop at nothing to protect you. i remember that trip that we took with dad on the boat.
i think that's actually when i took ownership of being your big sister. i wanted to keep you safe. you seemed so little to me. and look at you now. i doubt that there's a single person that would even think twice about crossing you. surely, you're the protector now. right, little brother? how did you get so big?? i saw your photos... i wish there was happiness in your eyes. you look so angry.
you look exactly like dad.
what happened?? where did all your light go? where did you go?...........................
i've written more letters to you than you can imagine. i sent none of them. the last time we spoke...you told me you hated me. told me that i wasn't your family and to never call you again. i begged for a reason why.... you could only re-iterate your hatred for me.
but i don't hate you back, little man. not even for a second.
i wish i could take all this love that i've been storing for you and send it to you in a bottle...but it would take a lot of bottles..and the thought of you breaking every single one of them is heartbreaking. but, i would send them anyway. maybe you would decide to open just one....
i never sent the letters. they live in a box and i pretend that you got them.
i sometimes pretend that you and i haven't missed the last nine years of each other's lives.
i pretend that i know all about how busy you are...and that's why we don't talk.
you're just busy. that's all.
i don't hate you back. not even for a second.
it's been nine years but, tonight i am missing you beyond imagine.
i would give anything to hear your voice.
to laugh with you again. to hear all about your life...
maybe someday, baby brother, if you find the time...
i know you're just really busy.
i'll be right here.
i love you.
remember when you wanted to dye your hair? we ended up turning your head aaaand your eyebrows orange and you were screaming that it burned so badly that your eyelashes were gonna fall off. the only time we laughed harder was the time we put Nair on ONE side of your chest. ..or maybe we laughed harder the time we went through the Dunkin' Donuts drive thru and you ordered "milky" in your demonic voice. i was laughing so hard i couldn't see..or talk and the girl at the window and EVERYONE inside DD was looking at us like we were insane.
we laughed a lot. which in hindsight, i think is pretty damn awesome considering the shit we dealt with at home. i remember so many things about growing up with you. i remember when i realized that i would stop at nothing to protect you. i remember that trip that we took with dad on the boat.
i think that's actually when i took ownership of being your big sister. i wanted to keep you safe. you seemed so little to me. and look at you now. i doubt that there's a single person that would even think twice about crossing you. surely, you're the protector now. right, little brother? how did you get so big?? i saw your photos... i wish there was happiness in your eyes. you look so angry.
you look exactly like dad.
what happened?? where did all your light go? where did you go?...........................
i've written more letters to you than you can imagine. i sent none of them. the last time we spoke...you told me you hated me. told me that i wasn't your family and to never call you again. i begged for a reason why.... you could only re-iterate your hatred for me.
but i don't hate you back, little man. not even for a second.
i wish i could take all this love that i've been storing for you and send it to you in a bottle...but it would take a lot of bottles..and the thought of you breaking every single one of them is heartbreaking. but, i would send them anyway. maybe you would decide to open just one....
i never sent the letters. they live in a box and i pretend that you got them.
i sometimes pretend that you and i haven't missed the last nine years of each other's lives.
i pretend that i know all about how busy you are...and that's why we don't talk.
you're just busy. that's all.
i don't hate you back. not even for a second.
it's been nine years but, tonight i am missing you beyond imagine.
i would give anything to hear your voice.
to laugh with you again. to hear all about your life...
maybe someday, baby brother, if you find the time...
i know you're just really busy.
i'll be right here.
i love you.
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